This Christmas

This year as Christmas time was nearin’

There was a buzz on the street that I was constantly hearin’

People felt empty, their hearts full of pain

“How can I buy presents when the economy’s down the drain?”

“How, indeed,” I thought as the towns people shouted

This was more shocking than when Boy George was outed

Something must be done, we need a solid plan

To bring Christmas cheer across this disenfranchised land

So, I hopped into action, not a moments hesitation

As I plotted to turn this Shitmas into a yuletide celebration

I hung the wreaths with care and fa-la-la-la-la’d

But awoken the next morning to discover something odd

The streets were totally empty, nothing was stirring

My heart skipped a beat as my brain started whirring

I stepped outside, it was as quite as a church

Something was clearly wrong here, so I began my search

I scoured the streets for any clues I could find

With the heaviness of the situation, clouding up my mind

“Where could they all be,” I pondered and pondered

Investigating every nook and cranny as I wandered and wandered

But no one was there, it’s like they never existed

How did everything in my peaceful hamlet get so insanely twisted?

As the day grew long, I found no signs of life

Christmas is a time of peace, not the time for angst and strife

I fell to my knees and cried out to the skies

“Is this the end of the world?  Is it man’s final demise?”

Then a figure appeared to me, it was Jesus himself!

His beard was neatly trimmed, his angelic robe was top-shelf

He spoke to me, his voice was soft and clear

“So, JohnMark, you may be wondering what you’re doing here.

The rapture has come, I’ve collected my people

I removed them from my synagogues, I took them from their steeples

But I specifically left you behind for a reason

Instead of celebrating my birth, you celebrated the season”

“So, did the others,” I said with a flashy flash

“SILENCE, MORTAL” his voice boomed with a crashy crash

“You only give during this time of giving

When you should be doing it all year long as your way of living

But instead, you choose only selfish pursuits

You’ve grown into a horrible man, you’ve forgotten your roots

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must take my leave”

With those final words, he was gone, leaving me alone to grieve

Then out of nowhere, I was attacked by zombie dinosaurs

I was ripped limb from limb, shrouded in their terrible roars

Then I awoke to discover that it was all just a dream

Brought on by drinking one too many egg nogs, it would seem

I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized I was fine

This vision has shown me how I need to celebrate Christmas time

I won’t hang the wreaths, I wont fa-la-la-la-la at all

I will not jingle the bells, I will not deck the halls

I won’t light the lights, I won’t hang the stockings with care

I won’t leave out cookies and milk, no, I wouldn’t dare

Instead, I’ll send out love to my friends and family

And set ablaze all things in this world that are deemed Christmas-y


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